Battle of the compliments
by watagashi
Summary: Wufei and Duo being NICE to each other?! (twitch)


(Heero types away on his laptop. He is the only person in the room. He casts a quick glance around, then pulls something out of his pocket. As he stares at it, a pleasant smile crosses his face. Suddenly, he jams it back into his pocket as Duo and Wufei come crashing into the room, followed by a rather timid Quatre and Trowa.)  
  
Wufei: Dammit, Maxwell! I will not tolerate your injustice any more! (Draws his katana and runs around the room, chasing Duo with it held over his head in a position more ridiculous than deadly)  
  
Duo: (sticking his tongue out at Wufei) Wuffie wuffie wuffie! Can't catch me!  
  
Quatre: (Sweat dropping) Er.you two should settle down before someone gets hurt.  
  
Wufei: Foolish weakling! The whole point is to get someone hurt! MAXWELL!!!! KISAMA!!!!!!  
  
(Wufei chases Duo around the room some more. Heero, who had been sitting quietly for some time, falls victim to having Wufei's sword swung dangerously close to his.uh.shorts. He turns around and glares at the two of them, freezing them instantly into submission)  
  
Heero: You two are going to stop chasing each other right now!  
  
Wufei: (Pointing accusedly at Duo) He has caused injustice! I will not be subject to such dishonor! (Duo bats his eyes at Wufei and makes kissing noises)  
  
Heero: If you two can't be nice to each other, I'm going to kill you both! (Both of them nod viciously and keep their mouths shut.)  
  
Quatre: Er.come, Wufei and Duo. Let's go and.er.clean the apartment.  
  
Trowa: ...  
  
Heero: And don't act up again!  
  
(Duo and Wufei allow themselves to be led hastily away. In the apartment, Quatre gives them a list of things to do. Then he and Trowa go to straighten up the kitchen, which is odd because since Duo never goes into the kitchen, it is perfectly clean. Duo and Wufei find themselves both having to clean the living room.)  
  
Wufei: Just don't do anything idiotic, Maxwell! No, wait, that's too much to ask. Don't do anything completely obscene and uncalled for to me.  
  
Duo: Okay, just no swords. In fact, why don't you put your sword in your room?  
  
(Wufei's eyes grow large as he hugs his katana to his chest and murmurs something indistinct. Duo gives him an odd look, shrugs his shoulders, and starts waving a feather duster around without really cleaning anything. Wufei snorts and starts beating the hardwood floor with a broom without really sweeping anything. After a few minutes, Trowa comes in to see what insinuates the odd quiet.)  
  
Trowa: What did you two do to each other?  
  
Wufei: I didn't do anything to that moronic weakling! He's being quiet for fear of my katana!  
  
Duo: Oh, I'm not afraid of your butter knife. I'm just being quiet so I can plot your demise.  
  
Trowa: How's that working out?  
  
Duo: not too well. The image of Vanna White holding out an overflowing dish of whoppers and saying, "Welcome to the kingdom!," keeps appearing.  
  
Wufei: Butter knife! INJUSTICE! (turns to his katana and starts stroking the flat of the blade.) Don't listen to the idiotic American! You are a fierce fighting spirit that pierces like cold iron. You are a blade with the sting of a thousand wasps. My own. My love. My precious!  
  
Duo: (turning to Trowa) What is the insane Chinese man saying? (Trowa shrugs. From Heero's room comes the distinct words, "If they don't be quiet." accompanied by the cocking of a gun.)  
  
Wufei: (An odd, forced smile that looks more like an insane death glare crossing his face) Gee, Maxwell, I never noticed how good you were at dusting. (Begins beating the floor with his broom.)  
  
Duo: (A twitching, trying-not-to-laugh expression) Thank you. I never noticed how good you are at giving compliments.  
  
Wufei: Wow, you have a very nice speaking voice when you're not being an idiot.  
  
Duo: Hey, you have a sexy man voice when you're not screaming out, "Injustice."  
  
Trowa: (sitting down to watch) Oh, you can do better than that.  
  
Wufei: (grinning evilly) May I compliment how well you pilot your gundam?  
  
Duo: May I compliment how well you name your inanimate objects?  
  
Wufei: (This means war!) I love the way your hair falls in your face in just the right way.  
  
Duo: I love the way your hair is so shiny and in perfect order. Can I poke it?  
  
Wufei: No!  
  
Duo: (outrage!) You're smart!  
  
Wufei: You're brave!  
  
Duo: You're really strong and impressive!  
  
Wufei: (the nerve!) Girls are attracted to your sexy hair!  
  
Quatre: (coming in with a bag of popcorn and sitting next to Trowa) So, who are you rooting for?  
  
Trowa: I just want to see how they play the distance.  
  
Duo: you are a strong defender of justice!  
  
Wufei: You have a sexy wardrobe!  
  
Duo: You can beat Treize Kushrenada!  
  
Wufei: You are a party animal!  
  
Duo: you are a disciplined warrior!  
  
Wufei: Every body likes you because you're special!  
  
Duo: NATAKU LOVES YOU!!!!!!!  
  
Wufei: (turns orange, then pink, then bright red, then purple, then pink again.) KisaMAAAAAAA! DDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!! !!!!!!!!!!!!! (Lunges at Duo and tries to throttle him as he is held back by Trowa and Quatre. Duo whimpers and shrinks against the wall. Random objects including a phone, several Barbies, a furby, a tickle me Elmo, a traffic cone and a pie)  
  
Heero: (stomping into the room) WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON IN HERE?! I TOLD YOU TWO TO BE QUIET SO I COULD GET SOME IMPORTANT WORK DONE! YOU TWO WERE SUPPOSED TO BE NICE TO EACH OTHER FOR ONE HOUR WHILE YOU CLEANED THE APARTMENT! NOW THE CHAIR IS KNOCKED OVER, THE PHONE IS OFF THE HOOK, AND WILL SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN TO ME WHERE THAT TRAFFIC CONE CAME FROM?! NOW WUFEI'S FACE IS BRIGHT MAROON, DUO HAS A BRUISE ON HIS CHEEK THE SIZE OF MISSURI, AND I'M SO HIGH-STRUNG I'M GOING TO KILL THE NEXT PERSON WHO MAKES A NOISE!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Relena: (Entering) Hi, everybody. I heard Heero yelling from the street, so I just knew something had happened between Wufei and Duo. By the way, Heero, about our date on Friday, I'll have to cancel it because I'm actually having a double affair with you and Zechs, which doesn't make sense because he's my brother, but Mariemaia told me that was okay now because pretty much everything's screwed up, and it won't really matter if I have kids with him or not. And while stalking you is fun, I think I like Zechs a whole lot more because we have so much in common, besides the whole destroyer/pacifist thing. He also likes Gorgonzola cheese. I can't stand that stuff. Plus, he's so interested in Noin that he doesn't even know he's dating me. What a complete idiot. I think I'll dump him after I've drained his resources. Well, I'm kinda good at that since I've already done it to you about five times. You know, I think that's my one true talent. I'm so-  
  
Heero: YOU DIE, RELENAAAAAAAA! (Draws his gun and shoots Relena in the head. She falls over dead after much twitching and pain-riddled screeches. Heero stares at the mess he has made, the pockets his gun with a happy grin) Gee, I feel a whole lot better now! Thanks, Relena. (Frolics happily away amidst happy music while the other four gundam pilots shuffle away quietly in the opposite direction. Heero frolics back onto the stage. He stops, looks around and makes sure no one else is around. He takes something out of his pocket and stares at it as a pleasant smile crosses his face. Giggling uncontrollably, he frolics away.)  
  
The End 


End file.
